unexpected. to know someone for so long and not think of them twice and go from that to semi-hard for days at a time just thinking about... whatever it is we do. some things seem like a good idea at the time and then don't pan out. i would love to have both... him for the mental. you for the physical and find the merge.
i play with too many scenarios in my head and then when it comes to group dynamics i stop knowing how to react. sometimes i'm able to put everything back into "normal" context and pretend i don't want to be all over you. sometimes i'm the fat girl with the hot jock... awkward, shy, unsure...
you were right. we are different in the dark. we're different away from the circle. i don't need everyone else to know this. i'm hoarding. it's mine. it's private. i try not to analyze this myself so i am definitely avoiding other perspectives.
but believe it or not, i get a lot out of it. so thank you."
"and maybe it was about waking up again...a clarity and freshness and being able to appreciate desire for desire's sake. it's complicated. even if we pretend it isn't, but i guess that's okay. if the trade off is not getting to play now and then, i guess i'll have to take complicated. it isn't quite love. i'm not sure what it is.